someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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