I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
