i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
