Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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