dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
