I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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