There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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