I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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