I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
