Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
