Only a mothe r could love this liver
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
