Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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