He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
