I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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