She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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