i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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