Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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