i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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