He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
