Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
