Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
