It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Randomize
