I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there is glitter all over my balls
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