it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
