I'm going to jail i love you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
