there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
