i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
