i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
