i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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