Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
