At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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