Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
