This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
