Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
