i just had sex bonerless
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
