I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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