careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FUCK WHALES
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
