Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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