Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
