I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A bitchslap is in order.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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