I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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