Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
