He told me they were just razor bumps!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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