Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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