The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
