it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
