you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
