Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
