I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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