During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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