i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂