Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.

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(210): View more from Texas

I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

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(631): View more from New York

stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

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(813): View more from Florida

Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(250): View more from British Columbia

He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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(941): View more from Florida

He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.

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(310): View more from California

My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.

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