Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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