definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest