if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up