dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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