I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so let's talk penis.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
