he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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