I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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