No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
