Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize