You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize