The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Terrible idea I love it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
