I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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