Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We need a shit load of segways right now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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