I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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