How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
